I began feeling some unusual pain in early February. It morphed and moved around my rib cage. It was pretty manageable and only bothered me at night, so I didn’t give it a lot of concern. I pushed it back with some over-the-counter pain medication. I had some blood tests and Xrays, but they turned out normal. Then by March 13 it was obvious that something more serious was going on. The pain was more intense and was no longer only at night.
Because of a blood test on April 3rd my Doctor called me saying, “Go to the emergency room right now!” That resulted in a 12 day stay at Peace Health. They discovered I had a bone infection in my T4&5 vertebrae and also staph infection in my blood.
Since then I have spent most of my time (sometimes 20-22 hours per day) in the hospital bed at our house. Some progress but oh it is slow.
Frankly, it has not been a time of spiritual growth. Very little time in God’s Word and not much more in prayer. Everything has been an extra effort.
Then around May 25th (because of a change in my antibiotic formula) I began to have a little more energy. Listening to large chunks of Scripture from my phone was not only possible but pleasant.
As some thoughts became more clear, I understood something God was teaching me. It came to me from Mark 4:26-28.
And He was saying, “The kingdom of God is like a man who casts seed upon the soil; 27 and he goes to bed at night and gets up by day, and the seed sprouts and grows—how, he himself does not know. 28 The soil produces crops by itself; first the blade, then the head, then the mature grain in the head.
Like that farmer, I had sown some seed, but then I went to bed – for a long time in bed! But the kingdom still grew. In short, I realized in a very clear way just how dispensable I am to God’s work! The Kingdom was doing quite well, even though I wasn’t.
So, when God uses me to advance His kingdom, it is not because He needs me…. It is because He wants me. He invites me into His work not because no one else could do it, but because He wants me to experience the joy of His life flowing through me to impact others.
As I have pondered it, I would much rather be wanted than needed. Wouldn’t you?
Thank you, Tychicus
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What a wonderful perspective, Dennis! Thank you for letting the Lord teach you and for sharing it with us. Praying for you, brother!